This month in our curriculum, A Year of Playing Skillfully, the character trait we are focusing on in ourselves and our children is patience. 

Today we are talking about how we can encourage patience in our children. Anyone who has ever carried a tantruming child out of a public place knows this is the holy grail of parenting! How can we teach our children to wait quietly and peacefully for their dinner, or their turn with a toy? How can we minimize the squabbles that come from impatience and frustration with others?

Check Yourself first! 

To read about how to develop patience in yourself visit our blog post HERE.

Observe and target potential triggers.

All children are different and get frustrated over different things. Observe each of your children and make notes on the things that seem to cause them the most impatience. A list of potential triggers are:

• Turn taking

• Losing at games

• Hunger

• Perfectionism

• Frustration with building new skills

• Keeping up with siblings

• Others not keeping their word

Validate the feeling, but not the behavior.

Usually when a child becomes impatient, their feelings are valid and logical. Oftentimes they lack the maturity to handle those emotions and they act out in ways that can be problematic. When your child acts out, try to help them identify their emotion and verbalize it for them. Say something like “I can see that you are very frustrated that your brother is not giving you a turn with that truck. That must be really hard.” Once we have addressed the big emotion happening, we can help them problem solve and redirect their energies.

Problem solve out loud.

When you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling impatient, use the opportunity to verbally model the thought process you would like to show your children. For example, say something like “This traffic is so hard to sit in. I’m feeling very impatient because I want to get home! Let’s make it more fun by playing our favorite songs. Everyone choose one!” or “I am feeling very impatient because I am so hungry! My stomach is growling and making me grouchy! But I can see that everyone in the restaurant is working so hard to make our food, so I am going to think about how yummy it is going to be when it gets here, and drink a big glass of water until it does!” 

Use Humor whenever possible.

Humor and silliness can diffuse so many big emotions. Playfulness is the best way to handle so many things with children, and impatience is no different. It is so tempting to be hard on them when they are impatient…I often wonder if this is because when we see our children showing our own character defects, we become unconsciously defensive, and go after them with extra energy. Dial it back and approach them with a smile and gentle playfulness. Use games like Mother, May I, Freeze Dance, and Duck, Duck, Goose to build listening and patience skills.

Be Honest.

How many times have you said “In a minute.” when your child is asking for something? How many times does one minute turn into fifteen minutes? Our kids are not dumb, and even if they cannot tell time, they have a sense of time. You can help by being honest about how long things will take and giving them concrete objectives such as “When you see mom turn on the flame under the soup, she will be ready to play cards with you, so watch for the flame!” Using visual timers such as hour glasses and kitchen timers is also helpful with small children. Make sure to keep your word when you tell them “in a minute!”

Praise it when you see it!

This month, when you observe your children practicing patience, call it out and reward it! 

• “Hey, nice waiting! 

• “I know you are super hungry and you are being so patient!”

• “I noticed you were being so patient when your brother wanted to play with your new Lego, so I am making a special dessert tonight!”

• “Mom took so much longer than she wanted to finish her work, and you played quietly, so she will read you an extra book before bed.”

Teaching our children to be patient with themselves and others will pay off mightily over the course of their lives, and will make a difference in generations to come! It is worth the work of being intentional in building patience in ourselves and our kids! 

This month in our curriculum, A Year of Playing Skillfully, the character trait we are focusing on in ourselves and our children is patience. 

Several years ago, Lesli and Kathy recorded a podcast about how to encourage patience in your children, as part of our Character Builders Series. This month we are reposting it for your listening pleasure! We think it is chock full of good advice and practical tips on building this necessary trait in you and your children. 

In today’s blog post we are focusing on building patience in yourself, because our modeling positive behaviors is a power teacher! 

Tips for building patience in yourself:

Relationships over Results 

Always consider the fragility of the humans you are dealing with. Be gentle. You honestly never know what people are dealing with at home, or what broken system they are trying to work within. The way we respond to others, whether it be to a spouse, a server, or someone on the end of a customer service line, is always on display to our children. 

Check Yourself First

Educate yourself in the developmental stages of your children, so that your expectations are reasonable. When are children are frustrating you, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are we frustrated with them because we were unprepared, disorganized, or unrested?

• Are we communicating clearly what our expectations are?

• Are we expecting others to read our minds?

• Are we run down and in need of self care?

Be Mindful of Non-verbal Cues

Our children are masters of observation! We need to be self-aware of the way we use our bodies and tone of voice to communicate our dissatisfaction. Some things you may need to put into check are eye-rolling, sarcasm, belittling, sighing, and foot-tapping. One technique that works well when you catch yourself being impatient is to lower your shoulders, and relax your tongue so that it is not touching the roof of your mouth. 

Protect Your Own Quiet Prayer Time

There is nothing that makes us gentler with people than spending time with our gentle Lord. He is so patient with us, and we need to keep that conduit open in order to pour it out onto others. My children (Lesli) have occasionally looked at me wide-eyed and said “Did you miss your quiet time today?

Be aware of the spiritual implications of impatience.

We are not inclined toward patience. And we can let our impatience masquerade as righteous anger, and justify poor treatment of others. The biblical meaning of patience does not imply passive waiting. The Greek word hupŏmŏnē implies an active enduring and persevering though irritation and trials. To grow in our patience, we need to trust in the Lord that he is working things out for our good. 

Check back tomorrow as we discuss ways to build patience in our children!

Photo by Elsie Iudicello

Photo by Elsie Iudicello

Photo by Lesli Richards

“I like having time to be wild and messy and dirty and be someplace else in my mind. Because then eventually I want to come back home where I belong. Where I can be clean and warm and safe and loved and feel peace in my heart. After I have felt all those things for a while then I’m ready to be messy and wild again. That’s the kind of circle I love for growing up. ”

— Age 8

There is something about mud that is strangely satisfying to children.   Mud is a substance that has survived the test of time like few other man-made playthings.  I remember once when I was a child, I told my godmother that I had nothing to do. She looked at me and said “Have you ever made mud pies?” She took me out to the wooden circle bench around the big sprawling oak tree, and set up a makeshift kitchen under the shady branches.  With sun peeking through on our work, we mixed and poured and giggled, using old pie tins, pots and pans and wooden spoons.  When the day was done, I do believe that my dear old godmother was as dirty as I was.   She had enjoyed reliving her childhood, remembering making mud pies along with her best friend, my grandmother.  To this day, I can recall the feeling of the cool mud, its musty smell, and the strange stiffness on my sun dried skin.  Anthony Esolen describes memories of this type of deep play as one of the only things that an old man can look back on without regret, and with complete satisfaction. I agree.

Fast forward forty years, and I watch my six-year-old discover several large mud puddles on our driveway. She is bent over them, in a tutu and sparkly boots…carefully scooping the mud into Inca like structures in the middle of the water. She has no idea I am watching her, so immersed in deep imaginary play and sensory satisfaction.  Such a strange elemental play thing is the earth beneath our feet. It is a marvelous gift that God gives us to entertain our children with. I love to give children natural God-made materials to play with, because scripture tells us that he communicates his invisible attributes to us through the things he has made. I think our children sense this deep in their souls.

It’s hard though, living in our screen riddled hand sanitized world, to remember that mud is so good for us in so many ways.   Playing with mud offers a perfectly balanced sensory experience.  It inspires our creativity and helps us learn to problem solve and take risks.  It provides excellent sensory feedback, which results in an integrated, calm child who is ready to take on challenges. This type of sensory free play, with no rulebooks, actually changes the connections of the neurons in your frontal cortex.  It may look messy, but there is some serious construction work going on inside those little brains as they get elbows deep in mud.  And germ-a-phobic mothers, take heart.  Studies have shown that children who grow up on farms and play in dirt regularly have less incidents of asthma, allergies and are least likely to have auto immune disorders.

This week, as our weather starts to warm up, mix your child up a big batch of the good stuff.  Let him have some old pots and pans and wooden spoons.  Get out there with him and enjoy the feeling of the sun on your back. And someday, he’ll show your grandchildren how to make mud pies.

Activity to use from A Year of Playing Skillfully by Kathy Lee and Lesli Richards

Muddy Buggy Creek: Fill the bottom of a sensory bin with dirt.

Next, bury some plastic bugs and worms in the dirt.

Fill the bin with water, covering the dirt completely.

Invite your learner to dig for bugs. Hopefully they will be inspired to create a mud pie or two!

“Every child should have mud pies, grasshoppers, water bugs, tadpoles, frogs, mud turtles, elderberries, wild strawberries, acorns, chestnuts, trees to climb. Brooks to wade, water lilies, woodchucks, bats, bees, butterflies, various animals to pet, hayfields, pine-cones, rocks to roll, sand, snakes, huckleberries and hornets; and any child who has been deprived of these has been deprived of the best part of education.
”

— Luther Burbank

Preschoolers love playing with light. Light provides a new dimension to play, and is a wonderful sensory component to add to activities. Today we are talking about the prophecy in Isaiah:

The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. 

For those who live in a land of deep darkness,

A light will shine….

Isaiah 9:2

Give your child a nativity scene to manipulate. If you don’t have one, there are many fine ones on the market. I saw the Fisher Price one at Sams Club yesterday.  Give them some battery operated LED candles and dim the lights as you read tonight’s devotion. Let them tell the story of the baby Jesus to you.

As for you, let the baby be your light this advent season. It’s so easy to get caught up in your to-do-to-mail-to-bake list this time of year. We found ourselves getting overwhelmed with activity this weekend, and I sensed the anxiety rising. I had to make the difficult decision to clear the deck a little bit today, and say “no” to some things. Don’t be afraid to guard your peace this advent year, so you can focus on the light…the baby in the manger.

“For a Baby has been born, the only One who is blazing Light,

and all the people who had been bumping around in the dark blink their eyes to the relief and the miracle of Light warming their faces, and they name the Baby Amazing. Strong God. Eternal Father. (Yes, they name the Baby that, because under that fresh baby skin is the forever Father God who is without end!)

We don’t have to stumble around in the dark, because Jesus is running the world. We don’t have to be scared of the dark, because Jesus is our forever Light.”

-Ann Voskamp, Unwrapping the Greatest Gift

Today’s Unwrapping the Greatest Gift lesson is one of my favorites. Gifts. Unexpected Gifts. Even as a grown woman I get excited over unexpected gifts. Especially when I have been in a season of sadness, disappointment, or confusion. Those are the times the unexpected gifts are the sweetest. I wonder if that is how Joseph felt so many years ago when he received the unexpected gift of his family reunion? My favorite part of this story is when Joseph shares with his family that what was meant for bad by men, was meant for good by God. LOVE that.

Of course, one of the most talked about parts of this story is the coat, that beautiful coat of colors that Joseph received from his father. As we considered how to help your young ones connect with today’s story, we thought it would be beautiful to offer them their own unexpected gift. A rainbow surprise. During nap time or other quiet time (haha, we have so many of those), tape a rainbow of crepe paper across a room or narrow hallway. When your young one discovers this unexpected gift of many colors, they will enjoy climbing and crawling their way back to you. Just like Joseph. After Joseph received his “rainbow” coat, God took him on an unexpected journey that led him right back to his family.

“Where are you?”

This is the first question recorded in the bible…and a question that comes out of my mouth daily with my little one. Rosie is a hider! Just this morning she ran and hid as I ran her bath. “Where are you?” I called. I saw little bare toes peeking out from under the bed. “Oh man, you found me!” she exclaimed through her giggles as I tickled and kissed her toes. I found her with love in mind. And God finds us with love in mind too, despite our disobedience. Becoming a parent teaches one so much about His love for us.

Day 3 of Ann Voskamp’s advent devotional Unwrapping the Greatest Gift deals with the fall of man. A heavy story for preschoolers…but she handles this hard truth so well. With our little ones, we are emphasizing that there is nowhere we can hide from God’s love for us. Play lots of hide and seek today!

Our focus activity for family devotions today is a sensory bin of things to find. We filled a Christmas tin with red and white dried beans, and added some colored counters. You could use coins or small toys as well. We gave her the bean container with a slit cut in to drop the counters into as she finds them.

We will bring this activity out periodically throughout the week, perhaps hiding different items and reinforcing the idea that there is nowhere we can hide from God’s love!

In all of humanity’s religions, man reaches after God.

But in all His relationships, God reaches for man.

Reaches for you who have fallen and scraped your heart raw,

for you who feel the shame of words that have snaked off your tongue and poisoned corners of your life,

for you who keep trying to cover up pain with perfectionism.

Three words come through the thicket of failure:

“WHERE ARE YOU?”

Your God refuses to give up on you.

–The Greatest Gift: Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas by Ann Voskamp

Our family enjoyed reading and discussing Day 1 of Unwrapping the Greatest Gift yesterday. We started a prayer list and came up with ways to show love to others this Christmas season. Some of the things the children planned were: to watch children for a young mother, make food for a hurting family, and make cards for a friend recently diagnosed with cancer. I am excited to see how our family loves and learns this advent season.

As we mentioned yesterday, this is a beautiful book. I love turning each page and seeing the beautiful photos and meaningful words.

As Lesli and I thought about how to help toddlers and preschoolers connect this lesson, we decided to offer a tissue paper collage. This is an engaging activity that provides young ones plenty to do as they listen to today’s story about God creating the world out of love.

All you will need for this activity is blue and green tissue paper, glue sticks and a paper plate. You can invite your young one to tear the paper into little strips or you can have them cut ahead of time. Encourage them to cover the entire plate to make the beautiful world. Punch a hole in the paper plate and hang somewhere special as a reminder of today’s lesson.

When I think about Thanksgiving, I think about kindness and thankfulness. I am pretty sure most parents reading this share my desire for children to develop these character traits as early as possible. The questions is, how do we teach these concepts to young children? We know that young learners need lessons taught in a concrete manner in order for their brain to latch on to the information. I thought it might be helpful to share some of my favorite ideas for living out kindness and thankfulness with your children (and renewing them in you) this Thanksgiving season.

1. Make “Pass Them On” Cookies.  I came up with this idea during my college public speaking class and it was a huge hit. First, make a batch of cookies with your kids and bag them up in a festive manner. Next, tie a blank notecard on half of the bags of cookies. Lastly, decide who needs some kindness shown to them on this particular day. Take each recipient two bags of cookies (one with a tag and one without). Invite each person to enjoy one bag of cookies for themselves and share the other one (the one with the tag) with someone else. I don’t know about you, but the minute I receive kindness from someone, I want to give kindness away. I bet they will feel the same way and you will have helped them out, twice!

2. Write Thank You Notes. This is such a fun activity to do with young children. Let your children decide who needs a thank you and what needs to be said. Write down your child’s words and invite them to decorate the note, adding a special touch. Mail the notes or hand deliver them, if you prefer. You could even combine this activity with the Pass Them On Cookies.

3. Set an extra plate for Thanksgiving. During family time, talk about people in your lives that might be alone this Thanksgiving. It might be a neighbor, a friend, or someone at your church. Reach out to at least one person this year and invite them to join your family for Thanksgiving. Your invitation might be the only thing that keeps them from being all alone this year.

4. Help someone. Do you know anyone who needs help with their  lawn, maybe raking leaves for them? What about cleaning someone’s house or shopping for a mom who has a newborn? So many ways to help. Ask your children and I guarantee they will come up with a clever way to help someone this Thanksgiving season.

Do you know anyone who needs help with their lawn,

maybe raking leaves for them?

5. Give up your spot. An easy way to teach your children kindness, is to let them see you give up your spot in line. Now, if you have two screaming kids with you and a full cart, this is NOT the time to give up your spot. However, if all is going well invite the person behind you to go first. Actions do speak loudly.

6. Give a gift card. Last Mother’s day, I decided to randomly hand out Starbucks gift cards to moms of screaming toddlers in Target, it was the coolest. I received hugs and thank yous like you can’t imagine. I KNOW that I got more out of giving those cards than they did from receiving them. Randomly give a gift card to someone. It’s awesome. Let your kids give a gift card to their favorite grocery store employee or the postal worker. Giving is contagious and FUN!

7. Offer a smile. Have a talk with your little ones about the beauty of our smile. Have you ever been in a bad mood and look up to see someone offering a smile? I don’t know about you, but it lights me up and it can instantly turn my frown upside down. I suggest you and your kids have a smiling contest the next time you go out together. See how many times you can get a smile in return. Make a game out of it. Everyone will win at this game!

8. Take a cart. This one is so easy. The next time you and your kids go to a store, take a few minutes before you go in and offer to return someone’s cart. For safety reasons, you and your kids will do this one together. Such a fun way to help someone else, spend special time with your own children, make some memories, and teach a lesson. For fun, invite your child to climb into the cart and give them a ride to the cart return.

9. Create a Thankful Tree. This is such a fun idea and can be done in a variety of ways. Two of my favorites are: If you have a large window, you can paint a big tree and use paint markers to write down your family’s thankful list. You can also have each child paint a tree trunk on a large piece of construction paper. Glue leaves (real or paper) onto the paper and add their items of thankfulness. Laminating these placemats will make them suitable for use and they will look great on your Thanksgiving table.

10. Reach out. Simply, reach out. Who needs kindness? Maybe it is someone right inside your home. When you mess up, reach out to your kids and ask for forgiveness. If you and a friend haven’t been talking, let your kids witness you apologizing or offering forgiveness. Whatever it is, whoever it is… dare to reach out.

These ten simple acts will help your children see kindness, and thankfulness in action. This is the BEST way to teach our young ones in those early years and hopefully they will carry these lessons into adulthood. People often think that giving needs to be grand and expensive, but truly the smallest acts of kindness can make the biggest impact. Start today. May we all strive to be kind and thankful! Blessings to you and your family this Thanksgiving!

- Kathy